The Suck-List 

No. 2 - Moscow, Russian Federation. Tourists often rave about Moscow, but try living there and you'll find out how awful it is. Yes, winters there come early, leave late and are bitter, but that's not why the Russian capital occupies the silver position on our Suck List here at Cities That Suck. 

Moscow outside of carefully tended areas tourists might roam in is, quite frankly, disappointingly dirty. From building exteriors through interors boasting elevators used as urinals, garbage chutes that serve as roadways for rats, to residential edifices ready to collapse, Moscow has it all. Add to that a steady stream of drunks, beggars and homeless, and you have all the basic ingredients for inclusion on this list. One of our contributors spent a year teaching English in Moscow at a language school and living on the outskirts of the Russian capital. Here's his assessment of what life in The Big Freezer was like:

"Three of us shared a one bedroom apartments furnished by our employer. The apartment had been converted into accommodations for three people rather creatively - the somewhat larger living room had been subdivided by draping a curtain across the middle and, voila! - two bedrooms. The remaining socializing area for all three of us who are working for the same employer was thus the kitchen which was so small that the refrigerator had to be placed in the hallway by the front door. Not only did getting to and from work require a multiple transfer 45-minute commute by marschrutka, bus and metro, but walking on dangerously slippery sidewalks In subzero temperatures, frequently being drenched by drivers who took great pleasure in making sure they drove through the omnipresent filthy slush puddles resulting from heavy salting of frozen roads, but waking up at night just to get a glass of water from the kitchen was always repulsive in the extreme. When you flicked on the lights, the entire kitchen floor would begin to move as a brown carpet of cockroaches scampered for cover. Riding the elevator to and from the 9th floor apartment meant enjoying eau d'urine from the bums who would use it as their toilet after jimmying the lock on the building's front door at night. Take the stairs, you say? Not only were they in a state of dangerous deterioration, but using them meant being subjected to clouds of all-permeating foul stench from the garbage chute which ran the height of the building letting roaches, mice and rats "commute" everywhere easily and unseen.

People who visit Moscow think of golden-domed churches, the Kremlin, the Moskva embankment, the Bolshoi ballet, Red Square and all the sights mentioned in books and songs, drinking icy vodkas and toasting with Crimean champagne. They don't know or speak about the widows of Soviet generals and admirals reduced to begging on their knees in the streets because their state pensions aren't enough for a sack of potatoes, let alone for survival. Travelers and locals alike are usually immune to the pleas of the countless orphans seeking handouts from them knowing that street urchins will immediately deliver their 'takings' into the hands of Fagins waiting around a corner somewhere."

Moscow isn't in first place on our Suck List because of a few mitigating factors: it's Metro stations live up to the hype about how beautiful they are. The spotlessly clean metro system manages to run trains safely every 90 seconds in rush and every 150 seconds at non-rush times. Counter to those unparalleled achievements is the fact that the entire system - in the words of South Park character Eric Cartman - "smells like (unwashed) ass." Muscovites are for the most part delightfully friendly people who bear their lot with Chekhovian ennui and a lot of vodka-fueled self-deprecating wit. They are - in stark contrast to most Athenians - creative freethinkers who don't rely on achievements accomplished 20 centuries ago to stake their claims to fame in the modern world.

No. 3 - Katowice, Poland. We don't expect much fall-out from this ranking. Located in Silesia in Southern Poland and the capital of that region, this city of about 300,000 is a humdrum hodgepodge of Soviet-era and poorly executed modern architecture with few outstanding or redeeming qualities.

Better known by thousands of tourists that flood in every year due to Katowice's close proximity to one of the Holocaust's principal extermination camps - Oswiecim or Auschwitz, most people experience the city on a bus passing through en route to their death camp destination.

Local mass-transit, confined mainly to a network of rickety, old locally-produced buses that operate out of a grimy central terminal under the train station, is augmented by a contrasting modern tram system using modern Škoda-built trains painted an eye-catching bright red. Relying on public transportation is especially grim in the interminably long, ugly, gray and freezing cold winters.

The city isn't especially awful for walking, but there isn't that much that's attractive or motivating for putting one foot in front of the other, either.

Generally, Katowice makes the impression of a poor cousin from the countryside whom Mom tried to tart up a while ago by dumping a multipurpose arena shaped like a crashed flying saucer in her center along with some excessively wide treeless concrete boulevards, a few ugly fountains and loads of soulless living machines in her lap.

No. 4 - Pawtucket, Rhode Island, USA. Like many other towns in New England, Pawtucket is a former mill town, dominated by dozens of abandoned or dilapidated former mills that in bygone glory days produced various textiles. In the 1920s, Pawtucket was a prosperous mill town. The city had a half-dozen movie theaters, two dozen hotels, and an impressive collection of fine commercial and residential architecture. Trust us when we say things have changed drastically since then.

The atmosphere of the town of some 70,000 souls is heavily old industrial - the ambiance urbex folk love. Living in those surroundings is not as exciting, though. A friend lived in an old church that had been deconsecrated and turned into bizarre flats, surrounded by spooky old factory edifices.

Oddly, Pawtucket also ranks fairly high in crime statistics on a national level, one more reason it is on the Suck List. On state level, it has Rhode Island's fifth highest level of naughtiness and evil doing.

Pawtucket's saving grace is it's proximity to Rhode Island's truly magnificent capital city, Providence, which easily ranks as one of the most attractive in the United States.

No. 5 - Kuwait City, Kuwait. "What's to Like?" would be an app title for this one. First of all let's talk about the country of Kuwait. Kuwait is a flat, sandy little desert parcel nestled between Iraq and Saudi Arabia. What makes Kuwait attractive and made it attractive to her former colonial power, the United Kingdom,  is the fact that the entire country is sitting on one of the largest seas of oil known.

That fact alone was sufficient reason for the US to launch Operation Desert Storm after naughty neighboring dictator Saddam Hussein effortlessly overran the Kuwaiti Army and occupied the whole country in a single weekend on 1991, freeing poor little Kuwait from the clutches of the world's fourth largest (albeit nearly impotent) army at the time. To relive those exciting and heavy moments, click here.

So why is this valiantly fought over and (easily) recaptured small nation on the Suck List?

Kuwait, in a nutshell, as already mentioned, is glad, sandy and boring. It is also a completely dry country, meaning that there isn't even a drop of alcohol available to help you over the extreme boredom you will experience there. No bars and no alcohol no matter where you are - from five star hotel to 10th and the desert, you ain't gettin' any. 

"Perhaps there are redeeming qualities such as historic ruins or beautiful sights?" we hear you ask. Sorry, thanks for playing. Wrong. Kuwait City, the country's principal settlement, is a mixed up amalgamation of mainly high rise buildings that were built in the 1960s and 70s, accompanied by a sewage system installed by the Brits in early colonial days. The latter constantly emits clouds of noxious human waste fumes and God knows what else throughout the year which makes walking city streets a sheer pleasure that brings tears (of pleasure?) to your eyes.

Another reason for including Kuwait at this point on the Suck List is its resident population. While kuwaiti's can be extremely friendly, many of them are not and are actually quite rude to foreigners. This may stem from the fact that a vast majority of the population is extremely obese and finds it difficult to move in the heat. While still well behind the United States in terms of massive men and women, the tiny country still makes 15th position in terms of obesity according to the Global Obesity Observatory.

This sad statistic also provides some silver linings, however. As much as Kuwaitis love their food, they also love not having to procure it with difficulty or by having to waddle any great distance in order to eat. Think of any kind of food in the world you might like to eat and there is guaranteed to be a restaurant which will deliver it to you somewhere in Kuwait. 

Public transportation is another area that scores very large minus points on this list. There is a rudimentary form of bus service available in parts of the country, but this is mainly designed to move the Indian "guest workers" (slave laborers) around from place to place and not for anyone else - whether expat, tourist or local - to use.

No, the way to get around Kuwait for visitors and expatsis by taxi. Locals, of course, normally ride around in air conditioned bliss in giant American gas guzzling limousines or SUVs or very expensive German sports cars.

Although taxis are equipped with meters, all meters are always "broken" as far as you, the tourist or expat is concerned. If you are walking down the street as a visiting expat or foreigner, you will be continuously honked at by taxi drivers hoping that you want to ride somewhere. Considering the considerable heat the country is subject to most of the year, that's not an entirely unreasonable supposition, but first let's talk about money in Kuwait. It all ties in to the public transportation theme, we promise you.

Thanks to those aforementioned vast quantities of oil the country is sitting on, its currency is one of (if not) the single most valuable in the world. A Kuwaiti Dinar is divided up into 1000 Fulus; as of August 2024, a Kuwaiti Dinar is trading at 3 Euros and 3 cents, making it indeed an extremely strong currency.

Before you get into any taxi on any Kuwait street, you will need to bargain with the taxi driver as to how much he wishes to overcharge you; invariably a ludicrous fare will be "suggested." Be aware that what is proposed is literally highway robbery.

Your response should be to offer less than half the amount demanded. This will most often be met with feigned protests of poverty and impending starvation, to which you simply respond by walking away slowly from the taxi. The taxi will then magically begin to crawl along at a snail's pace behind you. Eventually, the driver will again honk his horn and shout through the open window a revised fare that approximates what you have just proposed.

At this point it's up to you whether you want to repeat this bargaining procedure. or just get in and go. If you do get in having apparently accepted the new (and still usurious) fare, follow these steps once you have reached your destination:

• swiftly exit the cab
• take half the amount and throw it through the open window onto the seat next to the cab driver
• when loud protests ensue, turn around and pretend to be taking a photo of the taxi

The result will be that the cab will move away at speed, as the taxi driver does not wish to be reported for illegally operating without a meter. Although this is giving you bargaining practice and may seem kind of fun in a way, it isn't really very professional or anything that should score plus points for any city or country anywhere. 

One of the more bizarre things we encountered in Kuwait (which has neither a positive or negative influence on its positioning on this list) is the presence of a Burger King in the middle of the desert.

Heading north from Kuwait City and driving through the former battle areas of aforementioned Operation Desert Storm, you'll encounter some very encouraging signs like "uncharted minefields" posted along the roadway among old barbed wire fences and other detritus left behind after the historic and very short, successful operation to liberate Kuwait (oil) for the "greater good."

Lo and behold, around a few desert bends, you will come across a fully functional and open (yet seemingly deserted) Burger King. A leftover from the days of rescuing Kuwait's oil fields) from the clutches of Saddam Hussein, apparently there is still sufficient business even in the middle of nowhere in the desert to maintain this eatery.

As mentioned elsewhere, one of our principal criteria for inclusion on our Suck List. Kuwait City does not disappoint in this regard either. Turn off a Main Street anywhere in town but especially in Salmiya and you will encounter mountains of trash heaped up in the middle of what normally would be a parking area. 

Similarly, there are many beaches along kuwaits part of the Gulf Coast. Most countries would be very happy to have such tourism assets, but not Kuwait. Instead, they are sadly neglected and frequently used as trash dumping sites. 

The final reason for giving Kuwait this rank on the Suck List isn't really its fault: Geographic location. The intense high heat most of the Year frequently combined with extremely high humidity make living in Kuwait and experience no one should voluntarily have to endure. When combined with all the aforementioned negatives, the heat has the effect of increasing foul smells, unpleasant human interactions, and generally is a causative Factor for including Kuwait City here.